I was talking to my roommate last week about how you can sometimes look at a person and know right off the bat whether you would like or dislike that person before you even get to know them. Case in point: the people on our condo's shuttle bus to/from metro. Some people ooze anal retentiveness. Others saturate the environment with a funkadelic body odor. Each is just as repulsive as the other, in my opinion. I try to avoid them at all times.
This morning, I was waiting for the shuttle to arrive at my building. I arrived at the lobby earlier than usual. I don't know why. I usually time it so that the minute I step off the elevator, the shuttle is pulling up. If you saw the collection of souls that take the same public transportation as I do, you'd understand why. There's usually a blind woman waiting for the shuttle. She's awfully nice. Really, she is. She'll talk to you about anything: TV, the weather, sports, good restaurants, whatever. The only problem is that she won't shut up. She'll go on and on about something and whoever she's talking to will almost always (99.9% of the time) ignore her when they feel the conversation has gone on too long. To me, that's being a dick.
Don't engage in a conversation with someone that can't see and then not answer them. It's mean for two reasons: the blind person doesn't know what happened to you. Did you die suddenly? Or just not hear what was spoken to you? Secondly, you make that blind person out to be a crazy person. When the shuttle stops at the next building and more people board,
she's talking to herself because you won't continue your conversation. You wouldn't do that with people that can see. The next time someone stops paying attention to this lady mid-conversation, I'm going to call that person out for being a d-bag. I will literally hand them a certificate that states the honor bestowed on them. And this won't be the first time I hunted down people for being toolbags
1.
Another trait people exhibit that automatically earns them a place on my sh!tlist is poor hygiene. Really. When you're crammed on a rush-hour train, you'd be surprised how many people don't apply enough deodorant or brush their teeth. Halitosis is not a joke, ok? We're not in France.
I thought I contracted my recent rhinovirus affliction from my disease-carrier girlfriend (she's an elementary teacher not a street walker, kthanks). I'm second-guessing this now because I realize just how often I am forced to stand centimeters apart from all sorts of people coughing and sneezing in an enclosed space. If you're sick, stay home. You won't get brownie points or that raise you've been hoping for. We're in a recession, chief. Plus you'll just get everyone else in your office sick, therefore drive down productivity, thus drive down revenue, ergo send your company into bankruptcy. It could happen.
One of the other things you can do is call people out on things in public. I realize that this is a direct contradiction to my previous example about calling people out on general d-bagginess. There's a difference. I'm calling people out for the sake of correcting their a-hole ways. It's kind of like the Boondock Saints, but I'm not killing for good, just calling people out for good. What I'm talking about here, are the people that call you out for the sake of looking good. Allow me to illustrate: I was on the metro after a hard day's work. I was lucky to get a seat. There's a young-ish looking woman in a business suit standing nearby.
All of a sudden I hear someone behind me with an Italian accent say, "
if I was sitting down, I would offer the lady my seat." Now, I'm usually a nice guy. But not after I've dealt with corporate BS for 9+ hours. I look over my shoulder to see if I'm the victim of this guy's rant. And I am. People are looking at me now, but I don't respond. I just roll my eyes and think he's done trying to get in this girl's pants. Wrong. "
Excuse me, sir, why don't you let the lady sit down?"
It's at this point that the woman in question speaks up and says, "
I don't mind standing- I've been sitting all day."
I then look over my shoulder at the Italiano and shoot him a look that needs no translation: he got served. And he knew it. He tried to look good at my expense. I'm not down with that. If she hadn't put him in his place, I would've handed him a toolbag award plaque. Trust me, it would have been more embarrassing for him than working at the Olive Garden.
1Myrtle Beach 2008: the Ocean Lakes community was hit by the Toolbag of the Year Awards after I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart for supplies. Let's just say that place was chode city.
Honestly, folks. Thousands of people died from diseases like 
tuberculosis and regular non-swine flu last year. Bet you didn't hear about any of that from the liberal media! And what makes swine flu so special? Nothing. It's just the latest panic-button item of 2009. Why else would people wear thin pieces of fabric over their noses and mouths that make them look like Michael Jackson? I mean, who would want that kind of association?
What happened to SARS? Avian flu? The MRSA strain of staph? Remember all those things that were supposed to end human existence? And you're still here, right?
I can't read the papers anymore. It's totally depressing. I thought we were in a for serious recession? Why is it everywhere I look, people are getting that dolla? 
